Humanity
by 7Roja9
Summary: Ghouls are being captured by investigators and brought to extermination camps all over Japan. Amon was able to capture one ghoul, and that ghoul happened to be Kaneki during the heat of a riot inside the 11 ward district.
1. Chapter 1

Sitting.  
I was sitting inside the CCG's van next to Shinohara and some other investigators.  
It was my turn this time to join in on a special night shift inside the city center.  
The people of the 11th ward have been informed for months about this matter in order to _clean_ the city from its ghouls. Ghouls... That boy.  
I shook my head and sighed as I looked outside the window. We were almost near the place of destination. 

'' Amon-kun, lighten up. It's just a little bit of pest control. Like fumigators dealing with rats and all that. ''  
Shinohara spoke to me teasingly as he patted me on the shoulder.  
'' Yes, sir. '' I spoke determined, but I kept staring outside of the window.  
Rats...huh?

Suddenly, the inside speaker of the van went on as we heard many disturbing  
noises being aired. '' Shinohara senpai? Shinohara senpai? Can you hear me? ''  
'' Yes I can hear you, what is going on out there? '' Shinohara's voice spoke utterly shocked. 

'' Sir, the situation inside the city is bad. There have been sudden riots inside of the streets because all  
the regulations and restrictions the CCG is making lately for the citizens of this district.  
When police and CCG forces tried to calm the people down,some groups were shooting through the massive crowds, hence creating more chaos. '' 

'' Let the police handle that situation from us and- Hello? '' Shinohara spoke but the speaker line connection broke off.  
Everyone, including myself was staring at each other as we took a few moments to realize what was going on outside  
of the secure van we were sitting in. '' Sir..what now? '' I asked as I turned around to face my superior. 

'' What do you think Amon-kun? '' Shinohara said as he looked at me and stared straight through my  
eyes with an serious expression. '' An investigators job, never stops. ''  
He ordered everyone to step outside of the van and to continue on foot as the van went back to the CCG headquarters for safety matters. 

Fine, more exhaustion I thought as I tightly held my quinque box and ran through some small alleys that would indirectly lead its way through the city center.  
How they were able to catch so many ghouls around this district alone remains a riddle to me  
but it certainly was because of our new, updated quinque's that they were able to do so I thought as I stared down at my own.

These versions of quinque's were somehow able to slightly respond when it's near the presence of disguised ghouls.  
This new feature was the sole reason for so many captured ghouls around many districts of Japan for these past few months. 

CCG was responsible for so many captivation's of ghouls that even extermination camps were created  
near the outskirts of the country to get rid of them fast and easy...  
I furrowed my eyebrows a bit at that thought.  
This is your job Amon. This is your duty. 

Chaos.  
Chaos was the perfect word to describe the situation I was seeing.  
Everywhere people were shouting and screaming, pushed each other away, even stepped over one another just to get themselves into safety.  
There were still sounds of shooting going on as police officers were also caught inside the enormous commotion. 

Without trying to get noticed, I ran through many people and paid close attention towards my quinque to feel any reaction coming from it. Nothing.  
And it felt as though it was absolutely impossible in these state of events. What was Shinohara-sempai thinking? 

I backed away near the sidelines of the streets as hurdles of people kept pushing me until I nearly  
tripped over something on the ground and hit the window of a toy store.  
I looked down and could see something black from the street light that was hanging underneath me.  
I was about to grab the black item when I suddenly grabbed a pale hand instead.  
I looked up. He looked up. I was shocked. He looked shocked. 

My mouth slightly dropped, and my quinque reacted like a spinning wheel.  
The ghoul boy..it was him. Fuck that quinque, I myself knew it was him.  
That one eye of his..with tears that ran all over him in the rain that day.. an image I would never forget.  
Now there were two eyes covered in tears, staring at me with a pale and horrified expression as his bottom lip was trembling. 

Before I could even come up with any action to take, the boy hit my hand away and ran through the chaotic crowd.  
I grabbed the black item which I already figured was the boy's mask he wears to stay incognito and also ran after him as fast as I could. 

'' Amon-san, Shinohara sempai is ordering everyone to retreat- AMON-SAN! '' I heard one of my colleagues shout at me from  
somewhere around my distance but I ignored it and kept my eyes fixated on the boy I was chasing in front of me. 

I kept following him until we reached near a neighborhood that barely had any street lights covering the area.  
The boy kept running as fast as he could, sneaking his way through some dark alleys every now and then to lure me off, but with no effect.  
I snorted at his tricks as I was starting to reach in on him faster with each step. 

I could tell his speed was slowly decreasing, the boy was probably starting to get more and more exhausted.  
He ran in another alley but soon I heard him exclaim. We both had reached a death end as he turned around,  
facing me this time as I stood in front of him.  
I opened my quinque box and used my quinque to attack him as he hit against the wall.  
He dropped down on the ground as I quickly ran over towards him and tried to keep him down but the boy  
was struggling to get up with all the strength he had left. 

'' Why!? Why aren't you using your own kagune!? Why aren't you fighting me!? ''  
I shouted frustrated at the boy's passive behavior. He didn't responded, but kept looking at the ground instead.  
I felt infuriated as I started beating the boy when he suddenly looked up at me and his expression  
turned me completely into stone as I held my hand that would've hit him again in the air. 

'' Why? Why should I fight you? What is left to fight for? Tell me? '' The boy spoke, slowly sobbing as he trembled underneath me. 

'' What do you mean- ''  
'' THEY'RE ALL CAPTURED. ALL MY FRIENDS. EVERYONE THAT I EVER  
KNEW OFF. THEY ARE GONE AND PROBABLY DEAD BY NOW. I'M THE ONLY ONE LEFT...I'M- I..I'm all alone... '' He shuttered as  
his words felt like they were choking him on the inside, his mouth was slightly open but just nothing passed through his lips anymore. 

Million of thoughts and feelings boiled inside of me, but why was I even feeling this way?  
I have looked at the executions of tons of ghouls before, It never really bothered me.  
So why does this boy, this ghoul bother my conscious so damn much?  
ever since that rainy day, ever since then. 

'' What did I do wrong? '' He spoke. I kept staring at him, not even to blink an eye.  
'' What did I do wrong for you all, to take away the only home that I had left. The only place that I could even call a home.  
Why? I'm so lonely.. I'm so lonely. Just take me to that camp. Just take me to my dead friends.  
I don't want to fight.. there is nothing left for me to fight for. NOTHING! '' He screamed out to me.  
He tried to push himself more deeper against the wall, trying to be one with it,  
wanting to somehow disappear as he silently cried, his expression held nothing but sorrow in it. 

'' Amon-san! Oi! '' I turned around as I saw Shinohara and some other colleagues standing near the alley  
with some flashlights in their hands, pointing it towards me.  
How did find me?.. I thought anxious as I glanced over to the boy. The ghoul.  
'' Amon-kun, we have been searching for you for quite some time and then these guys  
mentioned they saw you run-...Amon-kun, who is that boy over there? '' Shinohara asked as he and the  
other kept walking closer towards us. 

'' Hey, my quinque is reacting.. could it be..? '' One of my colleague member spoke as they all  
stared at me and especially at the boy with shocked and perplexed eyes.  
'' It is reacting towards this mask. You see? '' I spoke as I threw the mask I had been holding onto their way.  
'' Ah yes, he is right! '' They all stated as they held their hands on their quinque's with fascinated looks as  
the quinque's started vibrating more rapidly. 

'' Shinohara sempai, this boy... '' I gave a quick look at the boy, who's fearful eyes kept staring at me in despair.  
I looked at my superior again and cleared my throat.  
'' This boy is my nephew. During my patrol I felt the reaction of my quinque.  
I kept chasing the source of the reaction but it turned out to be my nephew who found this mask somewhere on the street.  
This mask does however belong to a ghoul. We both somehow ended up being here in this alley.  
Forgive me, but before I make it back to the headquarters, I need to make sure he gets back home safely.  
I'm sorry I have failed my mission for tonight. '' 

'' Ahh, I see. Well don't worry too much over it. We managed to get our hands on some ghouls tonight, still a bit less  
then I'd originally hoped for. Oh well, It can't be helped considering tonight sudden events that had happened.  
Amon-kun, you can report to me tomorrow morning, take a rest for tonight. All of you. '' Shinohara spoke as he gestured  
everyone to follow with him back to the main city center.  
'' Are you and your nephew coming too Amon-san? '' One of my colleagues shouted at me. 

'' Yes. '' I called back as I looked back towards the boy again whose face was still  
in horror. '' Don't even think about running away now, It will be your end. '' I whispered as I pulled him up.  
He didn't responded but was still trembling from fear.  
I felt my guilt rising up again as I looked down at him but I ignored the sentimental feelings  
and grabbed him by his arm and pushed him to walk forward.  
Why was I even doing this? Why did I cover up for him?  
This was against my job... I thought as I spit on the ground from frustration. 

We were back at the city center most of the chaos had disbursed, everything seemed under control again.  
Some military van's were standing there as a few investigators surrounded allot people who were screaming and crying loudly.  
My quinque started reacting again. Those weren't people. 

One of them which looked like a female was repeatedly being punched in the stomach until she vomited on the ground, mostly blood.  
All the investigators laughed as one of them lifted her up and threw her  
inside the van, then the next one was thrown inside and the next one, and the next one, treated as if they were mere cattle. 

My blood felt like boiling by the image I was seeing. I had heard storied about investigators being cold  
towards some ghouls during these round-ups, but never did I figured it was to this extreme extend.  
I mean couldn't they just put them inside the van without treating those ghouls like that.  
Suddenly some police officer who seemed to have had quite a few drink started shooting  
at the ghouls who were standing in line, waiting to be thrown inside the van as they screamed from pain and horror. 

Male, female, elderly, children, it didn't matter to them. They were all shot severely.  
I gritted my teeth, the scene itself was starting to piss me off but I felt powerless,  
I couldn't do anything to oppose those idiots. 

I felt a vibration. Not from my quinque but from the boy who's arm I was still holding.  
He was even more shivering as ever as he stared with his eyes widened at the scenery  
that was taking place, as they kept on treating the ghouls indecently.  
I tightly pulled at his arm and walked away from the horrible sight we both were seeing.  
'' Amon-kun, what is wrong? '' 

I saw Shinohara standing next to some officials, drinking a can of coffee as some of them were  
smoking some cigarettes while staring at my direction. I gave a respectful nod towards them as they gave the same back in return.  
'' I'm just very tired sir, that's all. '' I spoke as I tried my best to relax my face, as if nothing was bothering me on what  
was going on right now but from the look that Shinohara was giving me it felt I wasn't really doing a good job on that. 

'' I see... Is your nephew alright? '' Shinohara asked as he stepped closer  
towards the boy who's body I felt tensed up immediately as he was staring down on the ground this whole entire time.  
'' He... Is just very frightened about all that had happened tonight since he was caught in the middle of it. '' I spoke hastily. 

'' Of course! where are my brains huh? Haha. No I completely underst-.. Wow. ''  
He stopped talking as he was holding his quinque more tightly with both hands.  
'' My quinque is more fired up than ever, especially right now. '' He spoke, his expression looking perplexed as he  
looked around him, trying to see if he could spot any suspicious looking people who might be ghouls in disguise. 

My anxiety took complete control of me as I tried to remain calm, or at least look calm.  
His quinque felt the presence of the boy. '' Yes mine has been acting that way too right now. What are the odds huh? Hehe. ''  
I spoke nervously as I squeezed my hand on the boy's arm more tighter. '' It's getting late sir. I'll take my leave now. '' I spoke  
as I bowed down towards my superior and turned around together with the boy at my side. 

'' Amon-kun. '' I turned around and stared at my superior again, who held a odd expression  
on his face, making my heart skip a beat or two. '' Yes..sir? ''  
'' .. Make sure your nephew gets well. He looks quite..pale.'' Shinohara spoke.  
I glanced at the boy real quick and then glanced back at my superior as I gave a quick nod  
to confirm him on what he said before walking off again. 

It was silent as we continued to walk away from the city center.  
I glanced over at the boy from the corner of my eye. He still had his head hanged down on the ground, tears that looked  
like silver pearl drops were still visible over his cheeks.  
'' Where do you live? I'll take you home. '' I asked, but he didn't answer my question.  
I stopped walking and stooped down to meet on his eye level and sighed deeply. 

'' Come on kid, It's late. '' I spoke frustrated as I was extremely worn out.  
I placed both of my hands on his shoulders and shook him but he still refused to answer.  
'' Fine. Have it your way. I'm on my way to the station, where you go from here is none of my damn concern. '' I spoke agitated  
as I stood up again and walked with big steps towards the train station. I could still catch my train I thought as I looked at my watch. 

I had already past a few streets. My conscious by then had consumed me half way inside.  
I turned around and stared at the boy who was still at the same place where I left him and was  
now sitting on the ground with his back against the wall of an old premises.  
I walked all the way back again and sat next to him on the cold hard ground. 

'' You know, you ghouls fucking deserve this. You all deserve to get treated the way you are being treated right now.  
You kill innocent humans. Leave dozens of family members scarred for life by the sight of their loved-ones gone.  
They don't even get to have the body to give them a proper funeral because instead those bodies are being  
devoured and digested inside all of you disgusting ghouls.  
I fucking hate all of you. I hate all of you, got that? I hate yo- '' 

'' Thank you. '' 

Shock. I felt shock running through my veins as I kept quiet. I felt chills running through my spine as my mouth dropped slightly.  
I turned around and stared at the boy who was sitting next to me. 

'' I might be horrible. Ghouls might be horrible. Maybe we are. Maybe we should be captured and get rid of.  
Maybe humans are the only ones who should be allowed to live on this earth.  
Maybe ghouls shouldn't be born in this world, simply because they don't belong in it or are not wanted.  
Because they are inferior. And you humans are superior.  
I might be your worst enemy, your worst nightmare...but thank you.  
Even thought you might hate me, despise me, think that I'm absolutely worthless.. just for a moment.  
I thought you were my hero. Thank Yo- '' 

Cold. His body felt cold as I embraced him inside my own warm one.  
I felt shivers running all over his body, or was it my own body?  
I didn't care. The only thing that mattered was for him to know that I was wrong.  
'' I'm sorry. '' I spoke as I held him more tighter, I closed my eyes, a few tear drops fell right from them. 

My guilt was on a high-time level that I just couldn't easily push aside this time.  
And neither did I want to push them aside. This whole entire time I had been doing so, pushing aside the one thing that made me human.  
And it took a ghoul boy for me to realize this precious capability we humans possessed, we all perhaps...posses. 

I broke my embrace and stared at the boy. The boy who somehow was trying to held in  
his tears as he stared at me with huge widened eyes. He failed.  
Tears kept on dripping out of his rims, one by one as his breathing was starting to quicken  
as he sobbed loudly in front of me, dropping his face inside my chest as he held onto my jacket with his hands.  
I placed a warm hand on his shoulder. It was okay. And the boy knew so. 

'' Please.. I-I- I don't wish to be alone anymore. I hate it. '' He spoke, choking onto his words again as  
his breathing excelled ever more rapidly, while he continued sobbing.  
I lifted his head with my hand and made him stare up at me.  
His face was completely drained in moist as I wiped away a few tear rolls.  
'' You don't have to be. '' I spoke gently as I stood up and reached my hand out to him.  
'' You can stay with me for a while if you'd like. '' I spoke as I smiled at him genuinely.

Obliterated. His facial expression was completely obliterated from sadness towards happiness as,  
what seemed like a smile was on his face as he grabbed my hand.  
'' Yes, I would want that... Thank you. '' He spoke as he looked away blushful.  
I chuckled as I ruffled him through his hair when I noticed the watch I wore on my wrist again.  
'' NO WAY! ONLY 15 MINUTES UNTIL WE CAN CATCH THE LAST TRAIN. HURRY... uh... What is your name actually? ''  
I spoke as I slightly tilted my head and looked at the boy curiously. 

'' Oh.. uhm.. Kaneki. '' He spoke as his shyness increased even more.  
I sighed and smiled at him sweetly. Ghouls have ordinary names too huh?  
'' Yosh! Kaneki we need to hurry now, Alright? Let's go. '' I said as I pulled him behind me as we both ran towards the station in high speed. 


	2. Chapter 2

Busy.  
I was busy scrolling through some files on the computer as I glanced at my watch.  
The pointers told me it was 7.30 AM, but it felt as if I had already been here for hours.  
just 2 more hours left I thought relieved as my shift today would end early.

'' Amon-san, We are being called for the meeting. '' I heard one of my colleague's tell me.  
I quickly nodded as I closed the files and shut down the computer.  
I stood up and followed behind my colleague's as we made our way towards the meeting room.

I took a seat on one of the empty chairs as I sighed deeply, feeling a headache would soon  
pop up as I asked one of my colleague's near the vending machine for a cup of coffee.  
I badly needed one.

'' Yo, Amon-kun. How are you doing? '' I turned around and saw Shinohara sempai walk inside as he took a seat next to me.  
'' I'm fine sir, just a bit tired. '' I spoke as I smiled at my superior.  
'' Good, Good. '' Shinohara spoke as he was busy sorting out his papers for today's meeting as he placed his cup he was carrying near him on his desk.

'' Sir, what exactly was the point of this meeting again? '' I asked Shinohara.  
'' Oh, I believe Marude-san has summoned this meeting which can only mean one thing; an hour of him ranting on how terrible our staff  
was in control of yesterday's incident and so on, in other words: He can throw his frustrations out on us. ''  
Shinohara sempai grinned and gave me a quick wink before taking a gulp of his tea.

I smirked at him for a moment as I suddenly saw Marude-san along with his informant  
stepping inside the room as we all instantly stood up before our commander.

Marude-san quickly gestured everyone to sit down again as he had an agitated look on his face before sitting down on his own chair.  
I took a quick sight and prepared myself for a full hour of boredom.  
'' By the way Amon-kun... how is that cousin of yours doing? '' Shinohara sempai spoke softly as he remained staring at this cup.

Fear.  
I felt fear striking me as I furrowed my eye brows for a bit. Why was he asking this?  
'' He- He is doing fine sir. He's still a bit shocked but he'll get over it soon.'' I spoke as I tried to embody  
the elements of calmness itself as I slowly took a gulp from my cup.

'' I see.. '' Shinohara sempai spoke, but not in his usual tone.  
I kept my eye brows furrowed as I occasionally glanced at Shinohara throughout the meeting as he looked  
at the direction of Marude-san. Could he...be aware of the boy?

I shook the thought out of my head as I stepped outside of the CCG and made my way  
towards the station again, trying to catch the earliest train back to home.  
Shinohara couldn't possibly suspect something, I mean if he did he would've taken action  
on me immediately, right? I thought as I took a seat near the window.

The train started riding slowly but within a few minutes we were traveling on a fast speed  
as I watched the beautiful scenery outside, the sun was shining brightly.

Black.  
Suddenly I saw a black train at the other side of the rail road. The windows had been removed and were stacked with concrete,  
everything about it felt awful to me and I knew why. '' Mommy, are they being carried in there? Are ghouls inside those trains? ''  
I heard a little boy ask his mother in a soft tone.

Everyone stared at the train with marveled eyes.  
'' Damn right for those ghouls, those sick bastards deserve nothing but torment and hell from those camps. ''  
I heard a few teens who were sitting in front of me whispering.

Did they? 

I stepped outside of the train as I made my way towards my apartment which was only a few blocks behind the station.  
I unlocked the door with my keys and stepped inside my home as I threw my suitcase near the wall entrance and  
removed my shoes and jacket as I sighed weary. I walked towards my room but then stopped for a moment as I looked at the couch.

Fragile.  
Kaneki was still sleeping as I stared at his fragile appearance, so innocent.  
Was this really human kinds predator? I thought as I softly stepped towards him.  
I stooped down as I gently tucked the couch plaid better around him to keep him warm.  
The sunlight radiated through the window as it hit the boy on his face, making him glow.

I looked at him with a sense of wonder, with a sense of fascination.  
But those wonders got removed when the image of the black train reappeared in front of me again.  
Those ghouls, transported inside those trains with not even a window to give them any sort of comfort or ventilation perhaps.  
Just darkness, gloominess..all the way to the camps.

I looked away from Kaneki but couldn't help but glance back at him with a hint of pity that was covered over my face.  
Would I have been okay with it.. if you were to be in that train as well, in that exact train that I just saw this morning? Would I approve of it?

I stood up again as I made my way towards the kitchen as I opened the refrigerator.  
I am just going to make myself an omelet and will not think about anything anymore and  
that's final I spoke to myself, trying to clear out my thoughts and emotions.

I threw a few eggs inside a bowl and started stirring while adding some cream and some Italian spices through it.  
I heated the frying pan and slowly started mixing the egg substance inside the pan as I sprinkled some salt over it.

I turned around and grabbed a plate from the small sideboard at the other side of the  
kitchen along with a knife and some bread as I placed it on the kitchen table.  
I went back and filled the water heater for some tea as I quickly glanced back at the egg that looked  
nearly ready as my stomach grumbled, I sure was hungry I thought.

I heard another grumble but this time I was sure it wasn't me.  
I turned around and stared at the boy who stood near the entrance of the kitchen as he looked up at me.

'' Are you...hungry? ''

'' Uhm, yeah kind off. '' I heard Kaneki' soft reply as he broke our eye contact.  
I remained silent for a moment as I turned off the electric stove.  
What was I suppose to give him? I thought as I stared at him and then back at my egg.

'' ... Is there...something you can eat.. then? '' I asked carefully.  
I felt bad for asking something like that to him but what else could I do? It wasn't like I had human meat inside my refrigerator.  
'' Coffee please. '' Kaneki spoke as he gave me a small smile.

'' ...Coffee? '' I asked slowly as I gave him a confused yet curious look.  
'' Yes, we ghouls are somehow capable of drinking coffee. I don't know. ''  
Kaneki spoke as he lifted his shoulders and stared at me innocently. '' Well...that's..good. Alright, I'll make you some coffee in a minute.  
In the meantime you can watch some TV if you'd like. '' I spoke as I walked towards the living room with him following behind me.

I grabbed the remote as I gestured for him to sit.  
'' Make yourself at home Kaneki. No need to be shy. '' I spoke as I smiled encouragingly at the timid boy who nodded  
and softly thanked me as he sat down on the couch. I turned on the TV and just clicked on a random channel as I walked back to  
the kitchen and added some extra water to the water heater so I could make the boy some coffee.

Ghouls and coffee huh? I thought surprised as I grabbed a jar full off stored coffee beans and grabbed a hand full  
and started grinding the beans using the grinding machine.  
I slowly started brewing the coffee as the aromatic scent smelled pretty good.

_\- Another ghoul extermination camp has been build near the outskirts of Kanazawa as the remaining ghouls of the former camp  
have all been transported there after the incident that had happened which is being investigated by the CCG headquarters. -_

My eyes widened as I immediately turned off the stove and quietly walked my way towards the TV with the remote  
in my hand as I pressed the volume up. What incident? I thought confused as I stared at the images.

_\- '' We at CCG headquarters will make it absolutely sure that such an incident that has happened at Kanazawa  
and the surrounding area's will not happen again. Safety is our primary goal and with this new extermination camp  
we will assure the people of Kanazawa that they have nothing to fear off. '' - _

Marude-san's face looked energetic and healthy, how many make-up had they added on his face to reveal such an expression on TV?  
This morning he looked as if he was at the point of breaking down from all the work he had to do.  
Probably because of this incident that I haven't heard a soul talking about at CCG.

And then Marude also had to deal with what had happened yesterday, no wonder the man acted as if he was a ticking time-bomb that would  
explode from frustration and stress I thought as I shook my head and glanced away.  
I would definitely speak with Shinohara about this incident at Kanazawa, what had happened there at the camp?

I glanced over at Kaneki, as my eyes widened with shock as I cursed myself from not  
paying any attention towards him as my thoughts had let me astray.

Kaneki looked with complete horrified expression at the images that were being showed as the news reporter continued  
talking about the ' ground breaking successes ' about several other extermination camps.

Dozens of masks who were once used by ghouls were thrown on a big pile, some even had traces of blood and mud covered all over them.  
All those masks portrayed all those ghouls, all those lives...that we from the CCG had brought into extermination.

Kaneki's mask would've been on those piles too If I hadn't saved him, my god.. what if I just had him arrested yesterday.. What if I just carelessly  
made that decision that would have brought him to that extermination camp? Too a place we could all call hell?  
I glanced at Kaneki who was at the urge of exploding from inner torment..and so was I.

I instantly turned off the TV. The horror. '' Kaneki.. Your coffee is ready. ''  
I tried to force a smile on my face as I watched the boy's soul returning back into his haunted body as his expression started to relax again.

He slowly walked towards the kitchen table as he took the empty seat next to mine.  
I placed the frying pan with the omelet in it on the table as I returned and once again came back with a cup of coffee and a cup of tea.  
'' Here you go, enjoy. '' I spoke gently as I felt him starting to relax and feel more at ease by the sight of the coffee.

I took a gulp of my tea and started digging in on my omelet.  
I just couldn't control myself from the hunger that I was feeling as I started eating fast and quickly as I took more gulps of my tea.  
I looked up and saw a pair of grey-blue eyes staring at me perplexed and amazed at the same time.

I forced myself not to chuckle as I quickly swallowed my food and grinned at him.  
'' Sorry, I hadn't eaten before I left to work, and now I'm just completely starved. '' I took another gulp and tried to hide away the embarrassment  
I felt that he had seen me eat food like some type of animal. '' It's okay. I completely understand that feeling.. ''

I glanced back at him with my eyes a bit in shock as I saw the boy staring down at his coffee as he refrained from making eye contact.  
'' You..do? '' I spoke curious yet unsure of asking such a question. '' Yes, one time I just refused to..eat. But it only took me a few days  
before I went well.. completely berserk. After that I just had to eat. '' Kaneki spoke.

'' Why.. '' I spoke but my eyes widened even more as I saw his expression of guilt and inner torment again as he furrowed his eye brows a bit.  
He didn't want to kill anybody.. just like that day when I met him in the rain, this ghoul refused to kill even  
if it meant for him to just survive. I couldn't help but feel admiration for him, somehow.

'' So you killed- I mean! you had to kill..right? '' I spoke hastily, not wanting to upset the boy even more then he was about this topic.  
'' No, me and some other ghouls primarily eat suicide victims. I guess some of them only killed when absolutely necessary. ''  
Kaneki spoke as he looked up at me for a moment.

Suicide victims. I guess you couldn't call it murder, and since they needed human meat to survive..what else could he have done?  
I felt relieved knowing he wasn't going after people to brutally murder them, I felt more respect towards him.

'' Actually, the ghouls that I have known in my life all lived like this.  
We would use the meat of suicide victims and then..uhm..well... distribute their meat around those who can't kill or don't want to kill people.  
In a sense, it made us feel as if we were capable of living a guilt-free life without unnecessary killing... but that probably sounds stupid doesn't-''

'' No. It's doesn't. It definitely doesn't. '' I interrupted as I stared at Kaneki who's eyes were widened  
from shock as uncertainty was visible on his face for a quick moment. As if he felt unsure on whether I had understood him correctly  
on what he just told me for which I gave him a reassuring look back as my answer to his doubts.

Kaneki stared at his coffee again as slowly a smile curled around his lips as he took a big gulp of his coffee.  
I watched the boy drink his cup empty as I smiled and glanced back at my own cup.  
'' Do you want some mo- '' I asked but I became silent from what I saw.

Tears.  
He held the cup in his hand as tears were slowly running over his cheeks.  
'' ...Is...it that good? '' I spoke surprised yet pitiful towards the boy's reaction.  
'' Yes.. it is...This coffee.. This flavor...I'm sorry. It just reminds me so much off... ''  
The boy spoke as more tears kept dripping down as the cup dropped out of his hands and rolled  
over the table as he pulled his hands on his face and started crying hysterically.

'' Kaneki! '' I spoke hasty as I quickly stood up from my chair as shock ran through me.  
Kaneki had dropped his head on the table as he pulled his hands on his hair and squeezed in it as  
the loud sounds of his ongoing weeping was being muted by the table.  
I looked at Kaneki from underneath me as I felt absolutely horrible by his behavior.

Your past memories are so beautiful..that they leave you in the state of lamentation.  
Don't they...Kaneki? 

'' Come. '' I whispered as I gently pulled him up from the chair as the boy rubbed his eyes and tried  
to be calm again as his breathing had rapidly excelled as he shivered in front of me, still letting out a sob that he tried to suppress.

'' Here, drink up. '' I spoke softly as I gave the boy a glass of water as he sat down on the couch again with the couch plaid wrapped over him.  
He emptied the glass in one gulp as he placed it back on table near the couch and glanced at the ground with a shameful expression from his sudden outburst.

I sat next to the boy on the couch and placed my hand on his left cheek, making him turn his head  
towards me as he stared at me with his breath taking, striking eyes.

'' Please don't feel ashamed. Even the strong ones are bound to let go of their long-kept inner emotions at some point.  
You are no difference of that. You are strong, and not in a sense of just being a ghoul. You. Kaneki. Your soul. It is strong. ''

'' You're not alone Kaneki.. You have me. I promise, I won't abandon you. ''  
I spoke as I felt a sob from welling up deep inside me as I pulled him inside my embrace as I gently stroked the boy on his hair.

Another sob escaped his mouth as he wrapped his arms around my back and wept on my shoulder, quivering again as his breathing increased in speed.  
My sleeve area felt moist.

Midnight  
It was around midnight as I switched the lights off and was ready to go to bed.  
Kaneki had fallen asleep already on the couch as I heard his deep breathings again.  
He must be dreaming by now I thought as I slowly stepped towards my bedroom.

Luckily I was free tomorrow from work, which meant that I had some free time on my hands since I was already far ahead on my working schedule.  
I stopped walking as I glanced at the boy for a moment.

Maybe I should go somewhere with him tomorrow. To the city or to the park, maybe even to the zoo or something, just anywhere that he'd like to go.  
Maybe that would cheer him up I thought, satisfied with my own ideas as I stepped towards my room again, until I heard a noise.

Moaning  
I looked at the couch as I saw the boy curled up in fetal position as he started moaning softly whilst furrowing his eyebrows.  
Something in his dream was probably just bothering him I thought as I sighed relieved that it wasn't something  
that alarming as I made an attempt to turn around again.

'' ...Hide.'' 

I stopped as my breath felt taken away from me. I turned my head around and looked at the boy as I saw  
tears strolling down from his closed eyes. I heard him sobbing softly as he gasped for air and continued to sob and call out to whoever this Hide was.

I closed the door of my bedroom as I wrapped myself underneath my blankets and closed my eyes immediately, but it was no use.

Sleep was nowhere to be found as it felt my mind had been trapped inside a whirlpool.  
Each night my conscience would battle with me. And it always me who was losing it.

Is this really how I wanted to live my life? where I would consider hunting down ghouls, killing them, or bringing them towards extermination camps my job?

I knew why I had started working at the CCG.  
I would never forget the horrible memories of my childhood with my so called 'father'.  
But was that really going to be my excuse for the rest of my life?

Before I met Kaneki, I was careless. I had no interest in ghouls or their complex psychological make-up.  
But ever since I met saw him on that rainy day, those tears that filled his eyes, that sincere expression of remorse. Everything changed after that day.

My whole perception of how I understood ghouls had collapsed.  
Their emotions. Their thoughts. Their conscious. It was There. Ghouls all possessed it.  
Just like Kaneki's, his emotions. His thoughts... His lonely ones.

His lonely soul..that got to the way it was right now, because of people like me.

A tear rolled out of my eye as my expression remained in sorrow for a moment.


	3. Chapter 3

Coffee.  
It was around one in the afternoon as I had prepared lunch for myself, whilst brewing a pan full of coffee for Kaneki instead.  
The boy thanked me as he eagerly filled his cup with coffee and continued to fill it for a couple of times until he let out a deep sigh.  
I smiled at him as I was slowly finishing my home made egg salad. 

'' Kaneki, today is my day off. I was thinking of going somewhere together, if you want. '' I spoke gently as I stared at the boy.  
Kaneki looked surprised yet happy in a way as he shyly looked away for a moment.  
'' Uhm.. I don't know. Where can we go? '' He asked softly.  
'' Anywhere you'd like. '' I spoke as I gently smiled at the boy's modest behavior. 

Book.  
'' Really?... Well.. I actually wanted to buy a new book that came out a week ago.. uhm… if that's okay? '' Kaneki spoke as he looked away again.  
'' Sure, I was planning on going to the district center anyways for some grocery shopping. ''  
I spoke cheerfully as I stood up and brought the dirty dishes back to the kitchen. 

I shut the door of my apartment as we made our way outside of the apartment complex  
and walked towards the center which was only 5 minutes away from it.  
It was a big center full of different shops and other stores and café's, anything you'd like was available  
here and it was less chaotic then the actual city. 

After I was finished doing errands together with Kaneki, we suddenly walked passed a book store that had discounts in it.  
I stared at Kaneki as his eyes widened from excitement as he immediately walked inside the store.  
Eventually we left the store with not only the book that Kaneki wanted to buy, but a whole bag full of other books. 

I glanced over at Kaneki who's face seemed delighted as he sighed and looked at the sky for a moment,  
the sunshine radiating brightly as the sky was blue, almost cloudless.  
'' Kaneki, there is a clothes shop over there too. For now I can buy new clothes for you until we go to your house and get your own clothes again. ''  
I spoke as Kaneki turned his head towards me and nodded agreeably. 

We were standing in line for the cashier as my hands were full of new clothes and other attires I wanted to buy for him.  
Kaneki looked away as he had thanked me multiple times for being so generous for which I waved his comment away and smiled at him. 

'' Alright, that will be 16875,93 Yen please. '' The cashier lady asked. I paid her the amount as I carried a big bag of clothes.  
'' Please, let me carry those. You already have other bags in your hand as well. '' Kaneki asked attentively as he reached out his hand. 

'' Kaneki, don't worry about it. '' I grinned cheerfully as I continued to walk further with Kaneki along with me as he  
would occasionally stare at me, hoping I'd ask for his assistance as we made our way back towards the entrance of the district center. 

'' Hello Amon. '' I turned my head to the left as I saw an old acquaintance of my former co-worker walking right up to me as she greeted me.  
'' Hello Kaori-san. '' I spoke politely as I smiled at her. '' Oh please, no need for any formalities. How are you doing? ''  
She spoke as she waved her hand a little by my formality. 

'' I'm doing fine, how are you doing? '' I asked. '' Good to hear, I am doing good. I heard you are doing a terrifically great job these days don't you? ''  
She spoke as she looked at me cheerfully. 

Uncertain.  
I stared at her for a moment, an uncertain look hidden within my facial expression as my ongoing polite smile still was noticeable on my face.  
'' Uhm.. good job you say? '' I asked. '' Yes of course! You're job is detecting ghouls and transporting them to the  
extermination camps right? You are doing a good job, serves those ghouls right. '' 

'' … Well, with all due respect. It is just my job. I have no personal.. attachment towards my job or anything. ''  
I spoke, hasty as I tried to avoid this conversation as much as possible. '' Really? If I were in your shoes, I would've really loved messing  
with those disgusting ghouls. '' She spoke with an fierce expression as she sneered.

'' Oh, Amon. Who might this sweet boy be? '' She asked as she smiled sweetly at Kaneki while ruffling through his hair.  
Kaneki however remained looking at the ground, his hair hanging in front of his face, his mouth slightly open. 

My heart felt like exploding inside my body by the sight of his behavior.  
The cheerful and blissful Kaneki that was there moments before was completely out of sight and was now replaced with this version of Kaneki. 

Sadness and Aloofness. 

Both words were engraved inside this living creature, who's head now bent down.

'' … Is he doing alr- '' She spoke when I instinctively grabbed Kaneki's hand who gasped softly as he looked up, staring at my back as I stood  
in front of Kaori with a serious and vigorous expression as I held my posture high. '' We are leaving now. Good day. '' 

Minutes had passed by as we sat inside a small little café as I ordered a mixed cocktail for myself and a double espresso macchiato for Kaneki.  
He thanked me before passing me a smile as he took a few gulps and stared outside of the glass window inside the café. 

'' I'm sorry. '' 

Kaneki suddenly turned his head towards me as he stared at me confused for a moment. 

'' That women… what she said… I saw it.. the way you looked.. Believe me when I say that after meeting you..  
my whole entire attitude has changed towards ghouls. I don't… wish for this to happen to every one of your kind… I feel..so guilty lately. ''  
I spoke as I tried to look away, not wanting Kaneki to see my sorrowful face, trying to hide the tears that I felt were welling up.  
Of course he would never sincerely like or accept me, knowing what kind of horrible job I practice. 

Soft.  
I felt a soft handing being placed on my own hand as I looked up and stared at the young ghoul who  
had a genuine smile and expression on his face as he looked at me. 

'' Amon-san. You are kind. If you were really the way they portray every ghoul investigator  
to be then I wouldn't be sitting here right now.. You are a kind person… You saved me after all.  
And I will always remain grateful for it. '' His gentle voice spoke. 

Guilt -which was this dark, gloomy creature- had been feeding itself inside me for the past few weeks but was now  
being destroyed by the light of the young ghoul's words as I slowly felt the heavy mental burden inside of me ebbing away, little by little. 

I sighed deeply as I felt relief from knowing how Kaneki thought of me.  
I felt like crying out loudly and holding the boy inside of my embrace, thanking him for this but withheld myself from doing so inside a public place. 

'' Thank you.. Kaneki. '' I spoke softly as I smiled at the boy who returned the same expression as he drank the remains of his mug empty.  
'' Should we head back home? '' I asked as we were standing outside of the café. '' Sure.. '' Kaneki spoke, panting a little. 

'' Kaneki.. are you alright? '' I asked worried as I stared at the ghoul who's complexion looked slightly more paler then his usual skin tone.  
'' Yes, sorry. Don't worry about it. '' He spoke as he looked the other way, refusing me to stare at him again. 

We arrived back at my apartment as I dumped all the bags near the wall and dropped myself on the couch,  
I was quite weary after a few hours of shopping. After a couple of minutes I decided to empty the bags of groceries,  
and place Kaneki's new clothes inside an unused dresser that was across of the bathroom door. 

Kaneki got busy with his own bag full of books he bought as he stared at each and every book with a bit more attention  
as his smiled happy, contentment expressing in his eyes. 

He asked if he could use the bookshelf that was across from the television as he I approved  
as he slowly filled the whole entire bookshelf as he stared pleasing at it.  
I chuckled softly at the young boy's excitement as I was busy emptying the last bag. 

I was storing the bags of frozen vegetables inside the freezer as I grabbed the last item which surprised me as I grabbed a book.  
'' Hey Kaneki, I have the book you wanted from Tataski.. ah no, Takatsuki Sen. '' I spoke as I leafed through a few pages. 

'' Oh I had wondered in which bag I put that book in too. '' Kaneki spoke as he turned around and walked towards me.  
'' It seems it ended up being inside this-'' I spoke before I let out a cry as I stared at my finger. 

Blood.  
Blood ran over my finger as I had cut myself while leafing through random pages.  
'' Shit.. '' I whispered agitated as I grabbed a tissue and held it against the bleeding finger,  
but the pain kept on stinging as the cut seemed fairly deep as the tissue had big spots stained from white to red within no time. 

'' Amon-san..'' Kaneki spoke as he stood in front of me.  
'' Don't worry, it just hurts..quite awfully also. '' I spoke, surprised that a sharp page of paper was able to hurt so much as I kept staring at my bleeding finger. 

'' There are a few patches inside the drawer of the TV cabinet Kaneki. Please grab- '' I spoke when my eyes met the gaze  
of Kaneki as he stared with wide spread eyes at my finger and mostly at the blood that kept oozing out of the cut as he bit on his lips. 

''…..Kaneki. '' I spoke softly, feeling frightened which was audible inside my voice.  
Within a split second the boy immediately backed away as he stumbled and fell. 

'' Kaneki are you okay? '' I asked as I instinctively approached the boy.  
'' STAY BACK! '' Kaneki shouted as he held his hand in the air, making me stop from moving forward as he sat  
on his knees and held his hands on his head and slowly started weeping as he quivered in front of me. 

'' I'm sorry… I didn't… I swear I didn't mean..too...I'm just…so hungry. ''  
Kaneki cried out as he started shivering more and more whilst holding his arms around himself as he held his head downwards, staring at the ground. 

My eyes widened in shock as reality hit in on me like a canon hitting its target. All this time I thought by just serving him coffee,  
it would've been able to satisfy his hunger for the mean time until I could figure out a way to nurture him. 

But giving him coffee wasn't enough.  
It did pause his hunger but it is and will never be a substitute of what he really needed,  
of what his body was really craving for, what his instincts are telling him, begging him to do. To hunt, and eat meat, to survive properly. 

I slowly opened my mouth, knowing that for now.. this had to be the only option. 

'' Kaneki.. '' I whispered as I saw the boy slowly rising his head and looking up at me as shock and bewilderment was visible within his face. 

I held my finger in front of him as the blood drops were still, but slowly dripping down my finger as the boy's sorrowful  
expression slowly made way for that animalistic expression he held just a few moments ago when staring at my finger. 

I sat on my knees as I stared at the young ghoul, as I slightly gulped at my decision.  
But I knew this had to be done. 

'' Come. '' I spoke softly as the boy slightly dropped his mouth as he shook his head.  
'' No.. no please… I can't accept such a- '' 

'' You have too… For now, until we find another way. '' I spoke in a serious tone.  
Kaneki kept staring at me, trembling as he was probably battling his conscious, knowing what I said was right and that he had to do this,  
but also not wanting to give in to his urges of hurting and using me at the same time. 

He looked away in resentment as he slowly crawled near me, only an inch away from my bleeding finger as the scent  
enticed the ghoul's instinct as his Ghoul eye slowly started to appear in his left eye. I looked at him both in fear and fascination at the same time. 

He looked at me for one last moment, an uncertain expression visible in his face, questioning whether this was right  
for him to do so or not as he furrowed his eye brows in compunction over the current situation. 

I took a deep breath and nodded at him, pushing my bleeding finger near his lips.  
The boy's eyes jumped right open as he panted, shivering from the scent of the blood as it had stained his lips.  
He licked his lips clean as he forcefully grabbed my hand and pushed the bleeding finger inside his mouth as he started licking eagerly. 

I groaned slightly as the cut stung by his actions but the boy was not paying attention to his surroundings anymore as he  
continued on and on as I was starting to worry whether there would still be blood inside my finger at all after this was over. 

Kaneki started to massage the hand of my bleeding finger as he continued to feast as the blood probably kept on coming out of me in that way.  
I gasped as the pain intensified in that way but I knew it couldn't be helped, I had to endure this for now. 

Moist.  
I suddenly saw moist dripping on the floor, but it wasn't red. It was colorless.  
I heard a soft sob as the boy's head hung forward again as he had stopped drinking from my finger and slowly pulled it off his mouth.  
He kept on trembling as he wiped his tears away but the drops kept on falling on the ground as I stared at them. 

'' I'm a monster… '' Kaneki whispered as he continued to sob while sniffing and wiping his tears away as he stared at me, sad and disgusted at the same time.  
'' Kaneki..you're not a mons- '' 

'' I AM. '' The boy shouted as he refused to look up at me as he remained silent for a few moments.  
'' I am.. because.. I want more. '' He spoke softly this time. 

'' I'm sorry.. I know I can't possibly ask this from you and I understand if you refuse this but my hunger.. it terrifies me. ''  
He spoke as his lips started trembling as his shoulders started shivering.  
'' Please, forget what I said.. Just let me be- '' He spoke when his eyes were staring at me so shocked, looking like he had turned into a statue. 

I held my right sleeve and pulled it down as my neck looked more exposed.  
I slowly tapped with my finger on the exposed area as I nodded my head, letting him know it was okay as I narrowed my eyes. 

Kaneki slowly pulled his head near my throat, licking the area he would bite on as I closed my eyes,  
fearing of a familiar pain I had felt before when Kaneki bit me on that rainy day, and now he would be doing the same, given permission this time by me. 

Teeth dug inside my flesh as I gasped, feeling the pain shoot through my body as Kaneki started sucking my blood away as he pushed his hands  
on my arms and intensified his deep gulps.

I panted as I looked up, telling myself again that this was something I had to endure,  
and that it would be over soon as I pinched my eyes shut and let out another soft groan of pain, as I bit on my bottom lip.

Tears.  
Knowing this was going against his morals and against his respect for me, knowing he was practically speaking misusing me, even if I gave him my permission.  
Still, the tears slid down my throat as Kaneki started shivering and sobbing again whilst continuing to suck the blood out of my body,  
trying to survive as his instincts commanded him to do so, despite what morality was screaming at him, trying to stop him from doing this. 

I softly pulled my hand on his head as I brought my mouth near his right ear. 

'' It's okay, drink… Stay alive. '' I spoke softly as the boy continued to shiver and sob as what  
seemed like a nod was gestured by his head as he continued to drink my blood. 

The pain was still there, but gradually started to stabilize as I looked at the clock for a long moment,  
waiting till the young ghoul had nurtured himself, filling himself with me. 


	4. Author's Note

Hi everyone,

I have an announcement to make. And it ain't gonna be pretty lawl. *badum tschh*  
Okay lame joke, on to the serious part; I want to let all my followers know that there won't be any new chapters coming up any time soon, this applies to all my stories.  
I won't go into full details but these upcoming months will be the most important months of my life.  
I have allot of goals ahead of me until the end of summer and I'm determined to achieve those goals! Unfortunately, that means that some areas  
in my life (such as fan fiction) will have to wait, either for a short or very long time, depending how everything will go from here on out..  
Without further ado, thank you so much to all of you who are still following, favoring, reviewing me!  
They mean allot to me and I appreciate each and every single one of them!  
I hope you all can understand where I'm coming from, take care and until later you guys.

x Helen


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